Difficult Day

Today has been one of those days where writing is difficult because of the emotional drain it puts on me. Writing the story of your life and being honest without over dramatizing is not always an easy thing to do and the book I am currently working on is just the type of book that takes me back into a kind of hell that I never want to live through again.


I am currently working on the book that is the foundation book for the Widowhood Series of books and tells of the journey through caring for 25 years to death. This book has chronicled the life I shared with my husband Keith and although I am more than half way through the time period there is more than half the book to write.

The last eight years of Keith's life were not only the most difficult to live they are the hardest to write about. So many times we did not think he would be here for much longer and so many times he bounced back. Each bounce though was a little lower in height and took a little longer than the last. Now I come to write about it I realise how difficult things had been during those years and how much we both made light of the problems and issues we did have with his health.

Thinking about it today as I wrote though, I did get an insight into our relationship and into the bond that formed between us along the way. We were twin souls and as such were just always going to be there for the other. Nothing and no one could ever step between the love we bore one another then. The loss of Keith was like losing part of myself and although I have lost that part I am now healing and becoming whole again.

The strength of the love that we bore each other is what enabled me to care for Keith right to the end and with the help of some wonderful friends and family we achieved his much wanted ambition to die at home surrounded by people who loved him and his animals. This we did and I wish to thank Fred, Linda, Kryssy, Doug, Bob, Jo and Tammy for their wonderful support through those last days and weeks of Keith's life. Without you all this dream, Keith's dream, would not have been possible. I also want to thank the ladies and gentlemen of the Palliative Care Team at Manning Base Hospital, the Doctors from Access Health Care, Taree and the wonderful care team from Baptist Community Care who all played a part in those last years, weeks and days of Keith's life. I can't ever repay the kindness of our wonderful friends at New South Wales State Emergency Service either, both staff and volunteers were always only a telephone call away and support was always there for both of us.

I know that the strength I now have was born in the fires of caring for and nursing Keith through those 25 years and if I could do that then I can now move forward and do anything else that I want.

I do miss having my love around me, but my heart is open and healing now and there will always be room for other loves in my life. Keith wanted it so and so do I.

Now I return to my writing refreshed and ready to start another chapter in this book of many words

Dawn 10 July 2012